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Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.And the winners are:1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.6. Negligent, adj. Absent mindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.11. Testicle, n. A. “Need I remind you how impressed you were that I was a virgin at age twenty-three? How I kept boyfriends by being damned good at oral sex both ways? Now, after two months of marriage and learning the joys of intercourse you are going to be gone for five and a half more months. That’s cruel, I think.”“What am I suggesting? Getting laid of course. I’ve got a half-dozen previous boyfriends that see me in public from time to time. I know they don’t give a damn that I’m married. We’re not talking about love, honey, just lust like I had with them before I met you. Did it stop me from being in love with you? Not at all even though I was seeing some of them when we first started dating. I was a good girl, you know, and didn’t let them get inside me even after you took my virginity. I have some honor, don’t forget.”“Shit, we’ve run out of time. I’ll talk to you in a few days so be thinking about what I said.”[a few days later on the satellite phone]“Have you thought about what I said?”“Hey,.
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